Diary.

Well, I guess that October 12 is the end of our relationship. The sadness, the hurt, the burden is off my shoulders. When I received the sms from you, my gut feeling told me that I’m gonna be sad later. True enough, it happened.

When you turned around, my feelings for you rose inside me, overwhelming me. My heart jumped when I saw you. I was so filled with relief. I tot everything is going to be fine.

I have neva loved you as much as I have at that time. You looked more handsome than ever with your new specs, and I was about to say that.

But you killed that moment by abruptly giving me my things back. I was struck numb, blessedly... I just looked away, feeling that I want to burst out and cry. But surprisingly, I never let my tears roll down in front of you.

Those minutes passed were the most heart wrenching moments of my life.

You went silent, knowing my face showed signs of deject and sadness. I refused to look at you coz I know I’m shaking my head continuously.

You took my hand, and held it gently.

You explained in a gentle tone.

You mentioned an incident that we had in the past, during you brought a sleeping mat and I told you that ppl wouldn’t agree on us being together. This relationship isn’t going to last and we got together at the wrong time. You realized that they are right.

I asked you why.

You explained the reason why you didnt sms me, or return my calls. You were pining for your previous love, and you used me to numb the pain. It was infatuation in the beginning, and nothing more.

You even mentioned fathul’s name when he asked you whether you loved me or not. If you do, you would return my calls. That set you thinking seriously. Then you realized you didn’t love me at all.

From that moment onwards, I understood the whole thing. Finally I got the answer why to the problem that is causing me so much frustration and pain.

With that fact in mind, I began to think. I realized dragging on this relationship is useless coz it only brought both of us pain, and nothing else.

You even consoled me, telling me that I am pretty, and easily find guys better than you.

You hoped that we could end this on a good note, and still stay as good friends, and mentioned that it was the best year we ever had.

You waited for a long time for me to answer, and you looked at me repeatedly.

With a sigh, I nodded my agreement. Ending this relationship is for the best for both of us.

Then you had to go, saying that It was late and you will have to walk home again.

You stood up, kissed me on the forehead and patted me on the head gently.

You went ahead, and I gathered my things. I said my last goodbye to you, and you acknowledged it.

I turned to walk off. For the first time in my life, I never felt so peaceful.


I already know that this is going to end, and I accepted the fact.

I never knew you could still carry around a lot of pain, I never knew that you are still pining over the previous love. I never knew you loved a person so much that you are still carrying the burden up to now. You never told me all these from the beginning.

Because I know now, the person in your heart isn’t me, but that lucky girl. I was never meant to fill that space inside your heart. I still love you so much, but I can only let you go.


But for me, I’m just glad that I met you, and became your girlfriend. I know that I won’t ever live with the regret, wondering what would happen if I never took that first step.


Now as I penny down my thoughts, my feelings, and try to recall the whole scene again, I feel organized and calm, coz this diary entry conveys the wholesome message that I want people to understand.

you need to learn the truth, understand it and accept the fact. Only then you can recover, and move on with your life.

I am moving on.


Adilla.